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Internet Poetry: Part 1 - Water

I like my martini, stirred not shaken
It's why I travel, the road less taken.
My battery is dwindling, oh what a fright,
Rage, rage the dying of the light.

Good fucking lord. Everyone who can rhyme and has Instagram, thinks they're a poet these days. People tend to steal other's work, change a few words, add a few lines from someone else's work or a Beatles song and then call it their own. If I did this, I'd go by the name of Ogden Mash. By the way, your inability to understand punctuation rules, doesn't make you the next ee cummings either, it makes you an illiterate ass. 

So here's the new thing. Mention water in everything you do. Talking about life, make it a river. Talking about sorrow, mention rain (you get a gold star for mentioning clouds that rain tears). Talking about distance, you betcha Sarah Palin, that shit is an ocean that divides us, unlike Russia...that shit's a stream separating our backyards. The only real dilemma poets have these days is when to use ocean and when to use sea. Rhyme that shit baby? Rhyming sea is easy, but don't cheat us readers and use see, mix that shit up. Double bonus points if you use pea, because of spelling. Seriously, enough with life being like a fucking puddle that your childlike self stomps in, sending droplets scattering, like memories. Ooooh, I just got the tingles.

And poets, make sure that poem has a nice meme style background, with a sunset and a beach. Just crop yourself out of one the eight thousands selfies you took this summer and you're good to go. Just no footsteps on the beach, because Jesus ain't carrying you through this. Don't be an Emily Dick-inson.

Oh and one more rule....and the most important of all. Never, ever, ever, ever use the M-word.

MOIST!

Comments

  1. UnknownSeptember 10, 2015 at 11:23 AM

    What if I'm Barbie? If I'm Barbie and hiking through the woods, or taking a Barbie bath, I think it's OK for me to make poetry, especially if it rhymes and talks about the senses and all things forbodden. Boom.

    ReplyDelete

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