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Free Writing - Take 61

So many thoughts, but the problem with the world today, is that we're all connected. I want to praise one for their courage, but feel badly for the one whose actions I take for granted, merely because they praise themselves so. I want to call out those I care about for not being there and those who have for not doing it right. I know how that sounds, but when you do for others so often, you feel your way is the path. It all sounds so silly. I worry greatly about my mind. Awakened in the middle of a dream, her blouse was being unbuttoned and then I awoke to the sound of branches outside. Sleep came back, but the dreams were of rioters, with torches blazing, while I sat in a tower like some sort of Frankenstein monster. Copyright laws that I've broken, due to a silly thing posted. I don't know the rules and in so many cases, I act like all Americans and just plead ignorance. The decade I've spent, which I want to attack, even if just for therapy. The simple changes I've had to make recently, tear away at who I am. Conversing about sports, politics and religion over round after round of beers and shots. I sip a pinot noir and use toothpicks to pick olives and I realize why those above me in stature don't care about those below. Tonight, my dinner was bread, egg and mayo. Months ago, I'd calculate and enjoy my $1.03 dinner and smile. Put in a movie, my eleventh of the billing month and watch my $1.18 cent movie and smile. The dial on the wall says 55, but is supposed to go on when the temperature goes below, right? The coffee cools before my first sip and by the third it as if iced. I drink slowly. Does even that have to change? I peal the layers and get into bed. Layers? The most clothing I've worn in the last ten years was shorts and a thermal. The sweats, the undershirt, the socks. Socks! I didn't even own a pair when I arrived. The morning have become early afternoons and the afternoons have become when I sleep. The night is when I rise and go about my business, like others in the daylight hours. I secretly relish in this falling back of time as the days shorten, I sink my teeth into them, like some carnivorous creature, fearing the light and longing for love. I mock those who claim life is short, yet complain constantly about their days. This hour added, reminds me of March and the hour lost, spent with someone I truly love, no contact, just laughs and loyalty. That has become my love and my life and to those who don't understand, it's an eternity.

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