Skip to main content

Thoughts of July and Moving On

For a time I'd look back on months and review, but they were generally negative and I wanted to look back on this one with a little happiness and possibly insight.

Things are not good and they didn't get better in terms of the big picture, but July allowed me to breath for the first time in a while. I didn't have to drown my sorrows by overstating the value of insignificant things, in a cold alcoholic beverage, in escapism or in my actual tears.  I was able to truly breathe and the air was cleaner, fresher and possibly a little more life was inhaled.

July didn't move quickly for me. Summer months are usually those we grasp so tightly that they squirm away faster than we can ever hope to catch them. This has never been the case for me. The summer, historically has been my busy time. The time the casual jobs become serious work and the hours become days. The responsibility greater and people's trust in me is tested. I've never failed, but this summer there are no tests, no daily pressure, but there is also nothing keeping me going, but the hopes for a prosperous future.

July so me turn a year older, with no fanfare other than a nice bottle of wine and some lamb. July tore my heart out in a single e-mail, written by me, a day late, but the response would have been the same had it been on time. July saw me seeking a place and receiving it and possibly for longer than than I had wanted. July saw me smile and allowed me two seconds of having my eyes open, at "home" without great frustration and rage engulfing me. Those moments aren't gone, but they have been put far enough away that I got to enjoy life again. Not for one night or a wild weekend, but it for enough time that I feel good about myself again.

It's time to move on. To break the ties that bind that never really were that tight to begin with. I've shunned routine my entire life and have fallen into one over the last 30 years that I loathe with every fiber of my being. I am not setting out on some wild trail, which despite being a lovely thought, is not at all my destiny. I have set no boundaries for my search for a new start, but will greatly keep in mind the small handful of people I need in my life. One month away truly shows you who those people are and I in return have probably showed them, but the difference was, I needed this escape, in many ways from them.

I thank the two who are closest for caring for me when I needed it most and I only hope to return the favor when they need it most. I thank the one person who I've hurt the most who is always there for me. I giggle at those who tell me they are there, but are absent and I thank those who just need a little reminder of who I am and who they are to me. Those two people mean the world to me too. And to the stranger who makes me laugh and wonder who she might really be, I thank her. She keeps me on my toes, thinking, laughing, chuckling at our distinct similarities and glaring differences. Our love of life, the arts, beauty and nature and our overstated hatred of socializing and people in general. The hatred is a lower case "h" for it is not true hate, but a contentment in our solitude.

I also thank my mother, for reminding me of tougher times that we all overcame, even if one of us had to leave for the others to move on. It's not always up or in the right direction, but we're still moving. Thanks for the push.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

11 Rules of Life - Bill Gates?

I read this on Facebook this morning.  A friend had posted it and said that every child should have to receive this. I of course read it and started to think.  I immediately wondered who really wrote this, as I rarely see things like this attributed to the proper person.  I immediately found it was written by Conservative Charles J. Sykes when he wrote a book about how America is dumbing down our youth.  I read it twice and started to wonder how true it was.  Below is a link to the actual picture I saw. So let's look at each of the rules and analyze them. Rule 1: Life is not fair — get used to it! - Life is not fair in that we are not all afforded the same opportunities based on race, creed, color, socio-economic background, but in general, those who are afforded the same opportunities to succeed are very often rewarded for their individual efforts.  Sure there may be underlying circumstances, but hard work is proven to pay more often than not and those who strive for succ

White Privilege

This was a post I wrote on Facebook after surprisingly not seeing any moaning about the Documentary by Jose Antonio Vargas, titled White People Dayyum! I just scrolled my timeline and not a single white person got their feelings hurt by White People. I unfortunately haven't seen it, but the number of fake accounts that popped up on twitter, tells me it was a damn good show. Here's the thing. If someone of color aka non-white says "White Privilege," are you offended? If you said yes, then you are exhibiting white privilege. It has nothing to do with how hard you work or study, how you stayed out of trouble, because here's the thing, that is entirely the point. Somewhere out there, there are 100 Black, Spanish, Native American, Arab, Asian, who worked and studied as hard as you and never got in trouble, but they don't have what you "earned" or achieved. Stop looking at the one person you know who isn't white that achieved as your benchmark. Loo

Quickie Review - Finding Vivian Maier

While I thoroughly enjoyed the film, especially the first 15-20 minutes, I was a little bothered by the way the film played out. The interviews with the clearly disturbed brother, sister and the mother, who obviously, was in for a cut, didn't need to be in the film. Then the woman who suggested abuse, yet seemed to have her life defined by Maier, as she tried to muster every ounce of emotion and fake guilt. Her friend, more than happy to be party of the charade. People who talk about abuse for the first time, usually don't do so on camera. The fact these scenes were so prominent, shows that they felt wronged that they were not rewarded. Maloof on the other hand, seems to disappear from the documentary during this part, almost hiding away from the fact, he went from complete praise, to even making money off of her, to destroying her personal legacy. He almost mentions the family of boys taking care of her rent, as an afterthought. Her burial spot, never shown, yet a video of her