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#100DaysOfHopper Day 42-43

Day 42: Some people think I just pick and choose people to go after, when the reality is actually the complete opposite. I wanted to write about someone of low intelligence who keeps beating the same drum, thinking it would sink in after a while that he might be wrong. I wanted to point out how disturbed I was to find so many pictures of the recent holidays showing children holding sparklers, which burn at over 1100 degrees. I wanted to ask people who go to concerts, the reasoning and their enjoyment in taking two thousand pictures. Who are they for? You were there, aren't your memories sufficient? I worry about senility too, but a photo of every song doesn't really make sense to me. I wanted to rip to shreds the numerous idiots who take pictures from their drivers side seats (I still might). All these things I wanted to do, in great detail, but didn't want this to become about one or two individuals. So I'll talk about friendship.

I recently stated that I somewhat dispute the cliche that actions are louder than words, because some words truly touched me recently. Yesterday, my birthday, was an insignificant milestone but started at midnight with kind words from someone who felt like they were with me and if I wasn't an idiot, would have been. The day followed with the most important people in my life, my father, my brother and my sister-in-law, wishing me the same. A wonderfully relaxed day, with no pomp and circumstance was just what the doctor ordered. I came home from a delicious dinner to find a message from one of my dearest friends and someone who despite time, distance and not seeing one another in nearly seven years, I still love like a brother. I received mostly texts and online messages and that is fine. I understand how today's world exists and I'm obviously very a part of it. So what is my "problem?"

It's who I didn't receive messages from. People who constantly look or looked to me for guidance, support and love during tough times. I have people who have reasons not to speak to me, who took the time out of their day to write two simple words, yet people I spent years of my life surrounding myself with, felt it necessary to stay in their own world. Sure computer and phone access might have been an issue or their own world might be too hectic, but I think about their birthdays or other occasions and it hurts. It doesn't hurt in the sense that I will carry this after today, but in the sense that I feel duped for time...well, served. It dawns on me that they were always selfish and it was always about them and I was blind to it. I'm rarely blind to things, but matters of the heart, when it comes to friends, I very often find myself to be clueless. I wrote a blog about one aspect of it, but this is the other.

I don't hate anyone simply for not wishing me a happy birthday. I realize that this handful isn't around in my daily life and there is no real reason that they should pop up on this silly occasion, but I do for them. I do for most, unless I'm completely at a loss for technological communication. I don't care if that message arrives late, but there was something about yesterday that opened my eyes. Friend is a strong word that I don't use lightly. I use acquaintance a lot, but friend is someone who shows you that you matter when you are up and down and you return that favor.

We love to pretend that true friends are the ones that are there for us when we are in our darkest hour, but that isn't really so. True friends are the ones who are there to make sure that we never experience that moment. #100DaysOfHopper


 Day 42 (Part 2): Ladies, I respect you all, but you need to start respecting yourselves. All I see and hear is how you are undervalued and unappreciated by the men you CHOOSE to date. Maybe if you stopped worrying so much about thigh gap and worried more about the gap between your ears, you'd be a little happier with your choices.

And men, this isn't an attack on women. I've heard you make little jokes to your wives and girlfriends about their looks, but it changes people. When someone is constantly hearing about their imperfections, it makes them unable to embrace what makes them special. Stop looking for that perfect person, because it ain't out there. Who wants to be with someone that's perfect anyway? Look at me all alone and shit. #100DaysOfHopper


Day 43: I've been reading a lot about you wonderful parents out there and on other social media sites and while I'm sure it's 100x harder than it looks, especially having to check-in and text 700 times more than your parents did, I have a few things I'd like to bring up. I'll do this in the Jeff Foxworthy style, but trust me, if you read this, I'm not being funny in the least. Sorry, but a few things have really gotten to me lately and aside from worrying if any of you have developed tendinitis from patting yourselves on the back, I'm genuinely more worried about yours kids and everybody's kids.

If you're offended by the lyrics of songs your little girl listens to, because they demean women, but you put makeup on her that makes her look like a floozy, you might not be as good a parent as you think you are.

If you buy your teenagers a case to protect their iPhone, but don't buy them condoms (just in case), you might not be as good a parent as you think you are.

If your child is eight or nine and you've have never bought them dictionary, you might not be as good a parent as you think you are.

If your child owns more DVDs than books, you might not be as good a parent as you think you are.

If your child has one, yes one, can of soda a day, you might not be as good a parent as you think you are.

If you buy your kid a car, before he or she has ever had a full time job, you might not be as good a parent as you think you are.

If your child can name every winner on American Idol, but doesn't know his/her state's senators, you might not be as good a parent as you think you are.

If your children do or don't like things, without ever experiencing them, you might not be as good a parent as you think you are.

If your children believe in something, simply because you do, you might not be as good a parent as you think you are.

If your boys don't treat girls like they treat you, you might not be as good a parent as you think you are. Secondly, if you aren't treated as well as your husband treated his mother and you allow your sons to grow up around that, you might not be as good a parent as you think you are.

If there is a TV on during dinner and everyone isn't sharing details of their day, you might not be as good a parent as you think you are.

If you have a girl and she doesn't know the dangers out there, because you want to preserve her innocence, you might not be as good a parent as you think you are.

If a group of kids get in trouble and you defend your child, because you think he was led astray, you might not be as good a parent as you think you are.

If you ever use the excuse "boys will be boys" to defend your kid from being a bully, you might not be as good a parent as you think you are.

If you find yourself telling anyone who will listen how hard it is to be a single parent, you work two jobs, you are so busy, every time your child does something wrong, you might not be as good a parent as you think you are.

If your child seems more happy to be with other families than your own, you might not be as good a parent as you think you are.

And finally and most importantly, If you think, for one second, that your child is depressed or having difficulty dealing with every day life, don't be their friend, be their parent. They may hate you then, they may hate you for years, but you'll be able to talk about when they are older and not wish you had. #100DaysOfHopper

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