Tuesday, November 17, 2015

What Is It?

It's rumored to be at first sight, but I've never believed in that. Some say it's who you think of before you sleep or is it when you wake? Sometimes it's unconditional and other times it is built over time. We say it too soon and too often and it has lost its meaning for many. So what is this feeling I'm having, when none of the signs are there? It's not physical, it's not instantaneous, it's not built over years or developed, because of anything other than care. It's a feeling that I can't explain, because there is no explanation and no reason. I just know that I want to say two words, not three, every single night and there's an emptiness that's filled and at the same time enlarged, each and every day. So I wonder, what is it?

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

October Movies

October was a slow month, being there were three shorts and a stand-up show inserted. That being said, it was lead by Ozu's simple tale, Julianne Moore's standout performance, Vigo's gem and an Estonian film that might find it into my year end top ten.
  1. While We're Young - After Frances Ha, I expect enormous things from Noah, this wasn't it.
  2. Life After Beth - Great Cast simply can't muster enough to make up for absolutely no script.
  3. Dark Was The Night - Acting, tension and likable characters make this a fun one.
  4. Cop Car - Possibly Bacon's worst role ever. The movie fails miserably. Thankfully short.
  5. 2046 - Kar Wai's follow up to In the Mood for Love. Doesn't work as well, but visual feast.
  6. The Only Son - Osu's story is devastating in its simplicity. 
  7. Going Clear - Scientology documentary seems to avoid all the real questions.
  8. Safe - Julianne Moore is great, the movie shows power, but DVD commentary is destructive.
  9. Dark Places - Gillian Flynn's novel comes to life and dies a slow, uneventful death. 
  10. A Propos De Nice - Vigo's silent impressive look at the good and bad of the beach community. 
  11. Tartis - Vigo's ten minute biopic on the swimmer. Genius and ground breaking.
  12. Zero for Conduct - Vigo's 40 minute kids behaving badly film. Good, not great.
  13. L'Atalante - Vigo's only feature is the classic tale of life and love. Perfect then and now.
  14. The Boy In The Striped Pajamas - Youthful innocence meets Holocaust. Very effective.
  15. Brave - Delightful Disney fluff, with an emotional finale.
  16. Insidious Chapter 3 - Awful and it may actually be the best of the trilogy.
  17. Tangerines - Estonian masterpiece. Simple, but amazing. One of 2015's Top 3 films.
  18. The Match Factory Girl - Strange, low key Finnish film with almost no dialogue. Well done. 
  19. Eyes Without A Face - Didn't do it for me, but I see how influential it was. Acting is awful.
  20. Anthony Jeselnik: Thoughts and Prayers - Easily one of the worst stand-up acts ever filmed.
  21. Pusher - Solid acting and frenetic pace make up for ho hum story. Plus, young Mads!
  22. White Dog - Cliche-filled, terribly acted 80's yarn about racism. Cute McNichol can't save it.
  23. Jug Face - Good story, solid lead and nice pace make up for lack of backstory and budget.
  24. Marjoe - Best doc Oscar is dated, but well done about child evangelist who comes clean.
  25. Pusher 2 - Solid Mads, but there is no real story until the final 20 minutes. 
  26. The Vatican Tapes - Awful, despite cute, convincing lead, but surprisingly strong ending.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Pretty Much Given Up On This Medium

It's dawned on me that the things I value, like and appreciate, are not the same things others do. My sense of humor, aside from when with people, isn't the same as others. My love for film is shared by two other people, one who I don't even know and while I do get into some conversations, it's always brief. My interest in politics, religion and social matters are more for debate, but people, even those I somewhat respect, have such problems with conversing without name calling, that even those I know, I avoid nowadays.

I used to enjoy signing on late at night or early in the morning and writing my thoughts. Even nicer when someone would send me a private message commenting on it. It's nice to know people want to know the real you. I've dated people who showed no interest in my blogs and even have those in my life, who rush to read other's awful writings, to comment, critique and praise, who don't care about any of my thoughts. There are even those who read it who only comment negatively, never once crediting me with being open or sharing insights into whatever topic it may be.

I do realize most blogs have a central theme and mine, like my life and my thoughts, is scattered so much, that it's hard to come back and even know what to expect. I do think it's therapeutic, but these days, I've really got my therapy from five friends, who is speak to daily. I do know I'm a burden at times, but I feel we all are, when the chips are down. I know it won't always be like this, well I hope, but the good isn't outweighing the bad. I do love hearing about kid's football games, pumpkin picking and the occasional quiet night, that they let me into the following day. It means a lot. I do worry about becoming attached to it, because it's not my life, but we can't stop caring, because of what might happen.

I've thought of starting another type of blog, but with a business side to it, but would it take off? Who knows. I've said I wanted to write a book, a screenplay or something else for years, but don't seem to be able to narrow anything down. I have ideas, but then I research and see I'd be a small fish in a very big sea.

Not even sure why I'm writing this now. To acknowledge those privately who keep me sane? To those who listen to me gush about the cat, while rant about the humans in my life? How often can I complain about the same meals, the same conversations, the same time schedules, etc without it becoming a bore. Me becoming a bore. Who knows? I know a lot. At least I tell myself I do, but I realize I don't know what makes this thing work. This machine that keeps breaking down every few years. Anyone else know? I guess not. That's why we went from ancient times with a handful of philosophers to an entire universe full of them. All saying very little in the end.

So maybe that's my calling. Now if I can only find that life event that brings it all into a clearer picture.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

September Movies

While I'm over 250, my movie watching has taken a hit. Various reasons for this, but actually sleeping for about five to six hours a night is one of them. Hooray! I will say that the quality in September was very high, with at least three top 100 movies of all-time. Two might sneak in the top 50.

  1. Metropolitan - Whit Stillman's lead choice, dooms a wonderful, quirky script.
  2. Child 44 - Terrific acting and attention to detail trump predictable plot. Hardy excels.
  3. Bonnie and Clyde - Arthur Penn's direction is top ten level. A masterpiece.
  4. Clouds of Sils Maria - Truth and fiction blur, but secondary characters tear down solid plot. 
  5. Obvious Child - Hilarious at times look at unwanted pregnancy, relationships and career.
  6. The Innocents - Atmospheric ghost story, hurt by too much bump in the night.
  7. The Monitor - A chilling thriller, with a bit of a ghost story to boot. Rapace is outstanding!
  8. Pulse - Acclaimed Japanese horror film, doesn't stand the test of time at all. Horribly boring.
  9. Criminal Minds - Season 8 - The show has definitely jumped the shark, but like old characters.
  10. Barry Lyndon - Finally! Beautiful. Epic. Long, but a feast like no other. I need a moment.
  11. Strangerland - Abysmal is the only word to describe. Joseph Fiennes is simply the worst!
  12. The Sacrament - Ti West has no feel for tension and this Jonestown take lacks any of it.
  13. Babette's Feast - Beautifully layered story, with about as good a final half as you'll find.
  14. Contempt - Godard's big budget mess. The epitome of convoluted. Awful in every way.
  15. Mad Max Fury Road - Easily one of the 25 worst movies and misogynistic films ever made.
  16. The Turin Horse - I'm speechless. I still haven't grasped the enormity of this film.

Saturday, September 19, 2015

Free Writing - Take 96

Lightning Round I'm giving myself two minutes on a timer

Barry Lyndon, a walk through an art gallery on film, but with no likable characters, it's difficult to assess as a whole. I keep wondering why I'm so good at something when no money is involved, but so bad when it is. I also laugh that someone has spent every waking moment worrying about something, ignoring me because of it and two little bits of advice, from someone who gets the world as it is now, could have simplified and amplified their work. I don't worry about it though. Glad to have friends to chat with, because they keep me sane and I hope I return....stop

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Ode To My Facebook Friends

Neighbors give you problems
People at coffee shop give you problems
People on the way to work give you problems
People on the subway give you problems
Co-workers give you problems
Clients give you problems
Telemarketers give you problems
Friends give you problems
Family give you problems
Lovers give you problems

 Guess what? It's probably not them

Saturday, September 12, 2015

Free Writing - Take 95

Day seven, maybe eight, I've lost count. Side dishes and scraps. Dinner? Not tonight or any night lately. Tonight bothered me, as I whipped something together, it failed, not because of my measly talents, but because of the product available. I ended up eating things intended to be added to others, as an entire meal, but still, this wasn't what bothered me. What bothered me most was, that before I even thought, even looked for my own sustenance, I glanced down and saw the cat, weeping at his empty bowl. I'd filled it four, maybe five hours before, but it was empty. How long, I wondered? I filled it and he ate ravenously, leading me to believe, it hadn't been filled again. How anyone could be so selfish, to call one a pet, but think of themselves before those who rely on them, is a common question. Memories of the past have swept back and reminded me that it's always been like this. Selfish, but not just regular selfishness, pride in it, as if entitled. Finally, I sat with my portion. My first and my last bite, handed away. The reward curled up, four or five hours, moving only to get closer. Let me know I am appreciated.